“Excitement is interwoven with uncertainty, and with our willingness to
embrace the unknown rather than to shield ourselves from it.”

Esther Perel

Sexuality is dealt with rather inconsistently in our society. On the one hand, sex is probably available more easily and quickly than ever before in human history, but, on the other hand, the presence of pornography and this body culture creates performance-related pressure and insecurity when it comes to sex.

A broad range of sexual issues relates to the fact that, in most long-term, albeit loving, relationships, the desire for one’s own partner dwindles and/or the desire for other sexual partners increases. This is often accompanied by a breakdown in communication of sexual needs and desires.

In both cases, the solutions usually involve intimacy. There might be a lack or even an excess of this deep familiarity. In the first instance, the body has often overpowered the soul – physical satisfaction is followed by an uncomfortable feeling of closeness or emptiness. In the second instance, the over-familiarity removes the distance from which desire arises.

Or someone might fear losing their partner if they want something that goes against the often unexpressed but well established sexual consensus. As a result, they confine their space for sexual experience to the lowest common denominator. Overcoming this idea can provide couples with the space for renewed lust for one another.

The second mood-killer is often a debilitating shame concerning either one’s body or one’s sexual preferences. At this point, I’d like to emphasise that, in addition to debilitating shame, a healthy sense of shame also exists, which protects our private sphere, a space within ourselves where we can be at peace. A greater distinction here could also lead to increased sexual self-awareness and, subsequently, to a more joyful sense of sexuality.

So how can you fulfil the desire for lasting lust in a long-term relationship? This is when many couples ask themselves whether monogamy is still the best kind of partnership. And then, of course, there’s the question that comes back up time and time again:

What do I really want for myself?

What do I need…

to be happy in a partnership in the long run, in terms of security and freedom? Sex coaching overlaps with Couple’s Coaching in this sense.

There’s no longer any social consensus as to what unique and universal values are, what form the relationship should take, or what’s “right” or “allowed” in a partnership. It might not be romantic, but it’s pragmatic. The ethics within a partnership are every couple‘s individual agreement for themselves.